JOKES!!! post as meany as u can !!!

Right. some times i get realy bored. like now for example.
just need some thing to have a good laff at

so if u can just get some down every now and then

ill start....

WHAT DO YOOH CALL A CHAV IN A BOX?
INNIT

What do you call a Chav in a filing cabinet?
Sorted

What do you call a Chav in a box with a lock on it?
Safe.

Why are Chavs like slinkies?
They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.

You're in your car and you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
It might be your bike.

What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE's?
A liar.

What do you say to a chav with a job?
Can I have a big mac please

What do you call a 30 year old chavette?
Granny.

How many chavs does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, they'll screw anything.

What do you call a Chav at college?
The cleaner.

Lol that was really bad......


I don't know many jokes... well i do but its about twin towers and stuff.
so it's not really relavent y'know

ok here i go.




what do you call a man with no pennys!



poor!



ahahahaha weeey im so funny!

this women is walking down the road, and a man stops her and says Ill drop 500 quid on the ground by the time you have it picked up ill have you fucked and all and you get 500 quid.. The women does not know what to say so she rings her friend.... and tell hers what he said and says do uthink i should?.. Her friend says Yes, pick up and the money as fast as you can and fucking run away... so they women says yes to the man ... and hour later she rings her friend back and says.. the fucker threw it down in 20 p coins..

razor

well this is a pile of wank

Why is 6 scared of 7?





because 789!.





Or if you still dont get it, because seven ATE nine


eight/ate? no? fuck off then.

There were two cats lining up to swim the channel...

The English cat was called "One Two Three"
The French cat was called "Un Deux Trois"

Who won???

The English Cat, because Un Deux Trios Quatre Cinq!!!!!

(un deux trois CAT SANK) if ur thick and can't read french....

a man goes to bed and reaches over to his wife.
starts sliding his hand slowly across her shoulders thn down her side just glancing her breasts
thn carrys on down her side and legs
he slides her legs apart and slowly runs his hand up and down her inner side of her thighs.
he slows and moves back towards the top and stops as his wife gasps.
"why have u stoped?" he replies
"iv found the remote now go bk to fucking sleep!!!"

just cracked me up

firemen have rescued an irishman stuck to a condom machine. theyasked what happened. he said the sign says insert £2 and push knob in..

a family are driving behined a dust cart when a dildo flies out and hits their widscreen,
embarassed and to protect her young daughters innocence the woman says
"golly gosh that was a big insect!!"
to which the little girl replied
"im surprised it can fly with a cock like that"

there are 2 men at a bar on the top flour of a skyscraper, one says to the other if you jump out of the window the wind will keep you up in the air, to which the other replys proov it, so the man down his drink and walks to window and steps out and flouts there for a bit and steps in. the other man says dam i have to give that ago and down his drink and steps out of window and falls to his death. the barman says to the other drunk, superman you are a dick when drunk

Nice Epic.


There is a bar. In the bar there is a pool area. A man walks in to the bar, goes directly to the pool area, goes over to some guys and talk for a minute. After that the man decides to go and get a drink. He order a bear. When he is done drinking he pushes the glass 2-3 meters away and says to the bartender : I bet u 200 euro that i can piss from here in that glass without spilling a drop. The bartender takes the bet wishing to make easy money. So the man pulls down he`s pants and says : dont get mad if i miss the glass. Bartender says : as long as i get my money i wont get mad. Ok, he starts pissing. he piss everyfuckingwhere. Over the bar, bartenders face, chairs, tables. everywhere except the glass. Bartender says : give me my money. Ok says the man. wait a minute. he goes down to the pool area again and comes back after a minute and gives the bartender the money and orders another beer. the man is smiling while drinking the beer. Bartender asks : you just lost 200 euro`s, why are u so happy ? He answers : Because i made a 500 euro bet with the pool guys that i could piss in ur face without u getting mad


sry for writing it so loong lol. i actually made that up myself ( i think )

thats quality lmao

2 muslins leave pakistan 4 the uk.
thay agree 2 meet 2 years later to see who becomes the most english.
2 years pass. 1st man says " i got a becks shirt, went 2 potrugal 2 support england, i drink beer, have a bulldog, fish and play golf. how english have u become"
2nd replies " FUCK OFF PAKI"

irishman is rowing a boat in a feld of hay. another irishman drives past. he looks at him in the boat and says "its thick cunts like you that give the irish a bad name. id come over there and kick the fuck out of u if i could swim!"

There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Paki, who got kidnapped by terrorists. They were told they would receive 20 lashes with a whip and each had one request. The Paki says 'Strap a pillow to my back' after 5 lashes the pillow breaks. The Irishman says 'Strap two pillows to my back' after 10 lashes, it breaks' The Englishman smiled and said 'Strap the Paki to my back'

Not as funny when reading it but who cares!

Us scots would take it like a man >.>

ne 1 else guna fuking post a jk or what

Tooby wrote:

Us scots would take it like a man >.>

Im pretty sure that WAS a joke

Your mom's so fat, when she lays on the beach, people run around yelling, "Free Willie!"
Yo mama so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Your mamma is so fat when we were having sex I rolled over 9 times and I was still on the BITCH!!!!!
Yo momma so ugly your Grandma threw her on the street and was charged for littering.
Yo momma is like a toilet; fat, white, and smells like shit !!
Yo momma is so fat when God said let there be light, he said move your fat butt out of the way.
Yo momma is so fat she uses a mattress as a tampon.
Yo momma is so fat she caught a flesh-eating virus... and that was three years ago
Yo momma is so fat she falls off both sides of the bed.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=5Az_7U0-cK0


ever had some 1 scream in your face like this??


go 4 mins in

Venom wrote:

There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Paki, who got kidnapped by terrorists. They were told they would receive 20 lashes with a whip and each had one request. The Paki says 'Strap a pillow to my back' after 5 lashes the pillow breaks. The Irishman says 'Strap two pillows to my back' after 10 lashes, it breaks' The Englishman smiled and said 'Strap the Paki to my back'

Not as funny when reading it but who cares!

Lmao, that did make me laugh 10/10